Well the Holidays sucked. But I made it through without GAINING so Im ok with that
I CANNOT WAIT TIL 01 01 08. New year, new me.

Well here it is almost Christmas and I have been avoiding LJ completey. I thought maybe I could be strong alone, but NOPE! At least I havent GAINED. Currently 144. Not awful but NOT GOOD! I NEED TO BE 130!!!! I really want to get to 140 by January 1st and 130 by February 1.
I CAN DO THIS

147 on Sept 1
GOAL
135 by Oct 1
125 Nov 1 (beach trip!)
120 by the new year. (MY FINAL GOAL) at 5 ft 8

I have been in hiding this past week because I am embarrased by my failure!
I have been running almost every day but I didnt fast. I didnt overeat and I lost 1 lb this week, so I know its not all THAT bad. But still I know I could be doing so much better and more efficiantly with this!
GRRRR
New day new day new day its a new day!

OK so I have failed time and time again. The truth? There is just no physical way for me to fast with the life I have and the people looming over me like crazy to eat. No way. So I am stuck. Stuck dreading waking up each morning to step on the scale in fear it has risen ... again. Scared of eating and purging. Scared of never getting under a size 7 in anything. Scared of always having a big chest and being considered a thick, big boned girl.
I will try one more plan. If I do not fulfill this plan I will close this livejournal and give up on this battle.

THE PLAN:
#1- DO NOT LOOK AT THE SCALE AGAIN UNTIL SEPTEMBER 1ST. NO MATTER WHAT!

Follow stage one of the south beach diet- only eating protein, vegies, beans, buts. No fruit, no sugars, no carbs.
Stay here until September 1st. If I have not gotten to 135 but then, continue on this plan. If I have, then add in a few carbed things like yogurt, milk, and fruit.

I have actually looked up online to see if there was any way to remove my tastebuds. Apparently not. I am definately demented!

OK so its August 10th. I wasnt quite at my goal of 135 by August 1st. Not close to say the least, BUT I am at 143.5
Which is almost 10 lbs I have lost so far.
The bad thing is I have been purging a lot. I know its awful for me. So I am going to do a 2 week fast. My mom is on a missions trip and my dad is clueless and wont notice a thing.
Here are my goals.
August 11- 143.5
August 12-- 143
August 13- 142.5
August 14- 142
August 15- 141
August 16- 140.5
August 17- 140
August 180- 139
August 19- 138
August 20- 137.5
August 21- 137
August 22- 136
August 23- 135.5
August 24- 135
I KNOW I CAN DO THIS!
I need some support, so hopefully I can get some friends to help me through this. I have nevber really added friends to my LJ but here goes nothing!

Well Im doing well, not AMAZING, but well. Down to 145 today (and that is on the electric scale)

I feel like I am accomplishing something here, so I feel like it's about to be getting easier to do this now. I am trying to eat as little as possible and have plenty of smoothies with protein powder, peanut butter, or fruit.
SO.... Since June 1st
was 152, down to 145. Lost about 8 lbs in a month. (Good... 2 lb per month average)
I would LOVE to be 135 by August 1st, I know I can do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I havent gotten in a scale in two days because Im scared. I did some serious eatin and drinkin!

I will wait and weigh myself on JULY 1st. I HAVE to be 144 or less.
And I HAVE to be at 135 by Agust 1st.

Its a landmark! 145! YAY

I havent been going to the gym much this week, just been barely eating and when I do eat, only healthy stuff.

I cannot wait for th2 day to be in the 130s. I literally looked at an old journal and I was 137 when I was 16, and about 135 last was when I was 14!!!!!!!!!
I CAN DO IT
My boyrfriend noticed a difference today!!

146 YAY! This is my lowest weight in a year. If I can hit 140 that will be my lowest weight in about 7 years.
KEEP IT UP ME!